Words in Purgatory

I never asked, So how could you answer?

I so desperately wanted to tell you how I felt, However I was too busy doting you to see the future.

I have a bad habit of not thinking about the future through another ones eyes. I know I’m going away but I guess I was just naïve to think it was going to work it self out. Before you I had nothing to look forward to but the next day and being able to go back home. Your smile was always a breathe of fresh air. I would say anything to see it. I wished you would feel the same. I never got the chance to tell you how I felt. I remember the day we started to grow apart. It was the day I wanted to talk about us. I was going to take us to the restaurant where I first made you smile. We would talk and laugh for hours. I would take you to the beach where we first held hands, We would talk for awhile and I would look at you as you stared endlessly into the ocean’s horizon. Your eyes are beautiful by the way. We would sit on that life guard tower and laugh at each other, because neither one of us could have predicted the others humor. We would go back to that hammock outside a resort where we first laid down together, held each other, looked into one another’s eyes…. Where we first kissed. Then we would whisper to each other because the security guards were upon us. You would ask me why my heart was beating so fast. The idea of getting caught was my answer. Only it was your touch that made it race. This time would be different. We’ve known each other for awhile now, and it would come time to make a decision.

I’m not going to ask the question, I no longer need an answer. We have grown apart and It can never be the same. I can take only so many daggers of silence to my chest. The damage is irreparable. I just wanted you to know that I did have a plan and it involved you.

I appreciated every moment I shared with you. I wished it would have worked. I wished I had that night. I wish I had the chance to say…