Trading Happiness for Happiness

Wake up
Smile at my reflection
These days I've been better
The bad is back then
Eager for tomorrow, loving today
But I've met you I'm afraid

Come home
I look at myself
Polish the mirror
And see me new, different
Better for you, better for us
Here's to the future
Goodbye to me
Time to sleep

Wake up
Smile at your picture
These days are for you
And my pursuit
Of your praise
Here's to change
Here's to you


Back home
Polish the mirror
Shatter the glass
Watch my soul trickle down
The change is there
It's not me
Goodbye

Rose Pedals Ground

Come on in
Into the elation
Without your prior
and the issues of existence
With me it’s over
You have a tear
I have a shoulder
Fly to me
Time to time

Only once in awhile
You’ll be mine
I’ll always have your smile
The one you’ve misplaced
As many times as I
Go little rose, cry
Lose all your pedals
To the ground where you belong
Where I walk, where you belong

Come on in
Covered in dirt
Tattooed with tread
Your life is not mine
Get out of my head
Turn around and find a charioteer
I’m not the one to guide
Close my eyes
Close my mind
Dissipate, I can’t hide

Only once in awhile
You’ll be mine
I’ll always have your smile
The one you’ve misplaced
As many times as I
Go little rose, cry
Lose all your pedals
To the ground where you belong
Where I walk, where you belong
Doors locked, Location astray
You’ll never find me again
Where is your smile?
Where has it gone?
Where ever I am
Emotionless, Are you happy now?
I am gone
You are lost
Can you unlock your curse?
You never will
Never be Free
You threw away the key…

The Bends

Dive in too fast
Descend, light overhead
Darkness below
Perspective disappears with the light
Declining blind
I've never been more alive

Ascend, soar, arise

Obscurity below, overhead light
Happening is stately
Copius good is arresting
Flying high on the wings of conflict
I'm back in the light, back in sight
Never have I been so blind…

You're So Broken

Come back down to me
I'm lookin up at you
You're better than
Everything I am
When will I get a chance
Prove my love for you
Not now not ever
I'll never be good enough

Two years past I try again
Back home with a new life
Maybe im better for her eyes
But not now not ever
Shes with another
And I'm out in the cold

Forget it
Im better than you anyways
Raise your nose at me one more time
So i can see that powder that'll make you blind
To the ruin of your life
And the advances of mine
You're nothing, I don't have the time

Another two years
I'm sick, I'm vulnerable
Your name is on the table
Got your new number, new address
I call your phone
The same bitch answers, no

Forget it
Im better than you anyways
Raise your nose at me one more time
So i can see that powder that'll make you blind
To the ruin of your life
And the advances of mine
You're nothing, I don't have the time
I'm something and you don't have a mind
You are nothing, and I don't have the time

You're nothing....

and....

I'm....

Done!

Words in Purgatory

I never asked, So how could you answer?

I so desperately wanted to tell you how I felt, However I was too busy doting you to see the future.

I have a bad habit of not thinking about the future through another ones eyes. I know I’m going away but I guess I was just naïve to think it was going to work it self out. Before you I had nothing to look forward to but the next day and being able to go back home. Your smile was always a breathe of fresh air. I would say anything to see it. I wished you would feel the same. I never got the chance to tell you how I felt. I remember the day we started to grow apart. It was the day I wanted to talk about us. I was going to take us to the restaurant where I first made you smile. We would talk and laugh for hours. I would take you to the beach where we first held hands, We would talk for awhile and I would look at you as you stared endlessly into the ocean’s horizon. Your eyes are beautiful by the way. We would sit on that life guard tower and laugh at each other, because neither one of us could have predicted the others humor. We would go back to that hammock outside a resort where we first laid down together, held each other, looked into one another’s eyes…. Where we first kissed. Then we would whisper to each other because the security guards were upon us. You would ask me why my heart was beating so fast. The idea of getting caught was my answer. Only it was your touch that made it race. This time would be different. We’ve known each other for awhile now, and it would come time to make a decision.

I’m not going to ask the question, I no longer need an answer. We have grown apart and It can never be the same. I can take only so many daggers of silence to my chest. The damage is irreparable. I just wanted you to know that I did have a plan and it involved you.

I appreciated every moment I shared with you. I wished it would have worked. I wished I had that night. I wish I had the chance to say…

Judged By It's Cover

I pull you off the shelf. No one has read you in awhile, let alone looked at you. Your spine is brittle, pages loose. I dust you off and put you on my night stand. I will read you tonight. I will read you soon.

I've fixed your bindings and made you shine. You're ready to open up and let me in. I will see you tonight.

I return home from a day. I lay down with a glass of wine and you on my mind. I can't wait to hear your stories, where you're from, How you got here. My lamp brightens and I lift the book. The bulb blows and there is no light. I won't be reading you tonight.

Life has picked me up and won't let go. I reach out for you and It never happens. Another night, another defeat. I'll see the sun before page one

.A month has gone by and I come home from the world. As I enter my bedroom, I take a saddened glance. The dust I've once removed has returned to your cover. In a useless action I remove the dust. Take a deep breathe. Place you back on the shelf.

The book I could never read...

Controlled Burn

Sunset shines brighter than sunrise
For the shattered souls and the tired eyes
Blood flow stops. Reverses
Lips are blue from neglect
They are gone forever. Lay down. Sob. Reflect.

Stop loving that person
Put a knife in their back
It's what you deserve
If you inflict the pain
It will hurt you more
Feel it burn your eyes
Burn your skin
Burn your soul
Burn the hollow shell that you're in

The past was what the past is
It's all over now
Nothing but ashes

I will miss you

I got your package today. It's the first time I have cried since I made the decision. Whether It was the right decision or not.... I don't know. I have never faced a question so hard to answer. The reason I did this was because the question presented itself, that's reason alone. It will hang on my shoulders for a long time. I have never been treated so well in my life as you treated me. I never deserved it. I never will. I always said I would do my best to make you happy, at the time I thought this was true. I was just lying to myself, and soon to figure out, I was lying to you too. I never did try hard enough did I? Maybe 90% of the time. I made sure it was my job to keep you smiling. I lived to see you smile, but the pain of seeing you in tears was too much for me to handle. I had seen it too much to go on. You are one of the most beautiful people I know and I do care about you, It hurt me so much to do what I did. But I can never be with you. I look into the future and the pieces just don't fit. Sometimes I wish all the pain you have experienced on account of me could be transferred to my mind, So i could deal with what I have done and you could be happy again. People like me are never happy anyways, and you deserve all the greatest things. I know you hate me, and I understand. Just know that I hope you get everything you want out of life and you get to the places you want to go...... It is hard looking at a computer screen with my eyes clouded with tears. You are beautiful, you are amazing, you are funny, you are a great person. Don't ever think otherwise. I've seen it first hand. I'm just not man enough to appreciate it. I'm sorry

I will miss you

Blind to your words

Clouded breathe fogs my bedroom window
Write your message in reverse
Heavy eye lids never see the sign
As the window returns to clarity
I keep hearing the words
You keep voicing
There is no hand in my hand
Just the idea of it happening
There is no caress at the end of a long day
Just a thought
Your lips are not touching mine
You just think about it
Your words are not good enough
They never were
I need your touch
To know that your real
This time around will be the last
So show me real
Stay outside my bedroom window
Keep your love on hold
The heart you want
Does not have a pulse...